Where Did I Leave My Concert Review?

Last Monday night, April 24th 2006, I finally saw Ryan Adams in concert, although I doubt he saw me. Not that I was hoping our eyes would meet and stars would fall upon the heavens, rather, the fog that inhabits Ryan's brain may be too thick to see much of anything beyond his own neuroses. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Ryan is foremost a poet, and if history has any law, poets are not sane people -- quite the contrary. Of course there are rare exceptions, but Ryan Adams reminds us that brilliance is the only friend to a truly lonely soul. Even Ryan acknowledges this maxim as he warned the crowd, "don't ever date me".

The brilliance in Ryan Adams is a gossamer balance between anguish and bliss. Just the titles of his albums illuminates this: "Heartbreaker," "Gold," "Demolition," "Love Is Hell," "Destroyer," and his thesis title, "The Suicide Handbook". Of course, this brilliance comes at a high cost: the most subtle breeze can cause a collapse. What we witnessed last Monday night at the Roseland Theatre in downtown Portland may have been Ryan weathering a storm of breeze-force winds. He came on stage late; and he came on stage stoned -- very stoned. After fumbling about with papers, cigarettes, a beer, some duct tape, a request for some vodka, and the voices in his head, he eventually found his piano (or his piano found him) to open with a sweet "Sweet 'Lil Gal," the last track on Heartbreaker. He then spoke to "Mr. Lighting Man" to request only red lights -- excuse me, "Stoner Lighting" -- to allow him to focus on the next song, "Call Me On Your Way Back Home". Bliss. Anguish. And frustration that when he did eventually find his guitar and stop fumbling and rambling, the songs were gorgeous. The notes, his voice, and the mood were sharp arrows that cut through the theatre's silence like a thunderstorm. But the frustration would have to be dealt with, as it quickly became obvious that this bipolar emotional ride would become the theme for the evening; however, somehow that was alright with me. I realized that we are experiencing Ryan Adams tonight, not some prepackaged, shrink-wrapped, distilled production that Big Music loves to sell us music fans -- pardon me, "Consumers". We were, in a sense, captivated by Ryan and forced to weather his storm.

Highlights include an absolutely spine-numbing performance of "The End" from his country album, "Jacksonville City Nights," a moonless-night version of "Let It Ride," and a new song, "Two," where Ryan seems to beg for anything but loneliness saying "Now I'm Fractured/From The Fall/And I Wanna Go Home/It Takes Two And It Used To Take One" (Sorry, man. You sold your soul to the devil a long time ago!). After this song I could tell Mr. Adams was running out of steam (or booze), which left me wanting even more (he's doing this on purpose, isn't he!) being that he played only one song from most of his albums, aside from Heartbreaker, and no songs from Gold. But then Phil Lesh came out from behind the curtain, resolving an earlier mystery as to who "Phil" was that Ryan kept yelling at behind the stage most of the night. For those of you unseasoned to the 1960's counterculture, Phil Lesh was the bassist for the Grateful Dead. Together, Phil Lesh and Ryan Adams winched the crowd from the depths of anguish into the heights of bliss, jamming for nearly 20 minutes through a continuous track of Wharf Rat/Bird Song/Magnolia Mountain (Cold Roses track). Their fingers and voices wandered aimlessly, but were never lost. Bliss. Anguish. And no longer frustrated.

Ryan Adams is like a really good book in that the best ones are often the most difficult to read. The performance I experienced last Monday was exactly that: a difficult experience. But an experience nonetheless. It will be hard to forget the absolute raw display of confusion, comedy, song, poem, frustration, and brilliance. More importantly, it will be impossible to forget how I FELT during the experience, a feeling that will likely be unmatched by any other artist in the future. For that, I thank you Ryan Adams and please return to Portland again soon. Just don't die.
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Complete Setlist:
1. Sweet 'Lil Gal
2. Call Me On Your Way Back Home
3. Please Do Not Let Me Go
4. Elizabeth, You Were Born To Play That Part
5. Let It Ride
6. The End
7. Dear Chicago
8. Who Were We?*
9. Everything Dies*
10. My Winding Wheel
11. Solitare^
12. new song on an upcoming Ryan Adams/Willie Nelson album
13. Two
14. Stella Blue#
15. Wharf Rat-->Bird Song-->Magnolia Mountain#

* = new song
^ = Jesse Malin song (opening act)
# = with Phil Lesh